People.

Well I'm feeling very grateful tonight.. well I feel this way most of the time, but I've been thinking a lot tonight and especially for the people I have in my life. I am SO blessed by them! And I feel like I don't recognize that enough.

Monica and Brian

These guys were and are my greatest and best friends this year! I must say we have had some good times, I really can honestly say with my whole heart that no one can make me laugh as much as they can! The way that they truly care for people and what is going on in my life, it blows my mind. I am beyond blessed to have gotten closer with them this year and more grateful for their presence in my life than they will ever know. Monica, I just have to say you my dear have blown my socks off with you just being you, and being my friend. I can without a doubt say that I would not be the person I am today with you.

 Courtney

This little girl is somethin' else i'm tellin yah! Why am I thankful for courtney? Because when we are together I feel like we are sisters, not a lot of friendships of mine make me feel that way! We got something special court (:. You've been my best friend since 6th grade! It's a big deal. I love feeling silly and having you're house as my second/first home! I am very grateful for her friendship.

Madeline and Sonya

I really feel sorry for you if you're not friends with these girls. These girls are kind of crucial to my life. They are the most encouraging and amazing people in thee whole entire world. Have you ever felt so low one day? Well when I feel like that and then go talk to one of them, I feel like I'm the Queen of England or something haha not even kidding. These girls lives are a gift, I feel like especially a gift to me though, and it's an honor to know them. 

Lexi and Sidney

Uhm yeah well I don't really know where to start with them, so I'll just cover the basics. Basically Lexi has saved my life. Sidney has made me happy to be alive. I really really wonder why/how I was blessed with them as sisters. Literly sometimes I just sit there and think about that. I don't deserve them! I love having the privilege of growing up and sharing every bit of my life with them. They are truly my very best friends.

Mom and Dad

Last on the list, but first in my life. My parents... WOW. I don't think I have any words haha. My mom and dad have made my life as easy as possible for me. They make sure we have it good and even better than that. They work there butts off to send us to Maranatha to make sure we are at the best school for us. They are always teaching us something and we are always learning from them. They always knock our socks off when it comes to holidays and birthdays with presents. I don't know how I ended up being blessed with them, it really just doesn't make sense. My love for them goes deeper than many.

The list goes on and on.. honestly it does. I've realized something lately. It's not about how many friends you have AT ALL. It's about true friendship and what means something to you. Even if I have just a couple friends, I know I really have the world. It's really hard for me to get all these thoughts in my mind to make sense. Bottom line is that I would not be here today if it were not for these people above. It's hard for me to get words out, thank you doesn't do justice to express my gratitude. I don't deserve them. God has REALLY REALLY blessed me.

Yeah I just like this song tonight.

I have a lot to say, but no energy to write tonight.

I get to write outside on this beautiful and glorious summer night! Listening to "All Sons and Daughters". This picture doesn't do it justice to what I'm looking at and surrounded by tonight! I AM BLESSED. Thank you Lord for parents who are so creative and make our house so beautiful and cozy! Well tonight my mom and I went on a 5 mile power walk haha and that woman books it! It was such a good workout! And we went back into the "rich" part of champlin where have really huge and super cool houses and it's always fun to pick out our favorite ones! Then we got to talking about my future and what I want to do when I grow up. I LOVED having this talk with my mom. She is such a smart woman, have I said that I am blessed yet? Because I am, I don't deserve such a great mom. Anyways.. she got me excited about my future and gave me great advice to get started! I'm just thinking.. if I were to have taken my own life in the middle of my depression a little bit ago, I would not have been able to live out this great plan God has for me. I am so thankful. Gahh I love my mom and all she does for our family! I feel like I don't appreciate her nearly as much as I should. I'm not just saying I'm blessed because it's the right thing to say when things are going right. I am honestly saying that and I realize it and I DO NOT take it for granted. God is so good.

I am thankful today for:

• My mom
• My house and how beautiful my parents make it
• My sister's I got to spend the whole day with
• My health so I can exercise
• How well thought out and insanely gorgeous God made the world
• All the trees and how detailed each and everyone of them is
• Freckles!
• My best friend Courtney and how she's calls just to check up on me
• How beautiful life is
• Summer days like today where I did and get to do absolutely nothing
• That I have my license
• My puppy Gracie that I snuggled with a lot today (:

There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy!

Regret, Faith, and Relationships

The 3 topics have been on my mind lately.  Do you ever regret doing something like a lot and can't stop thinking about it? That's how I've been feeling, but I can't say that I really regret it, I guess I'm kind of confused right now. The phrase "wanting someone more just because you can't have them" this is definitely true. Have you ever wanted to be in a relationship really bad? Like really bad?  I hope I'm not alone on that one.. I'm not desperate, hah I've just been really wanting a boyfriend lately. That's where the faith comes in, trusting in God. But it's been really hard for me lately. I honestly have been feeling like I'm talking to a wall the past couple days. Have you ever felt that way before?That sounds harsh, but I guess I'm just frustrated. These are just my feelings coming out here... I know God is listening, but I feel like He's not doing anything about it. Maybe it's not the right timing and my feelings are taking over my thoughts, which is annoying. Sometimes I just wish I could turn off my brain and not think for a while, but that's kind of like running away from your problems and I don't want to do that because  I have to face them sometime. I'm just being real right now.. what 16 years old girl doesn't want a boyfriend, I mean come on haha! What else can I do than keep trusting in God to take care of things? Sometimes I just have to put my feelings aside and trust in God. That's what faith is. Or maybe I'm looking for someone to satisfy my heart and make me happy. But really that will only get me in trouble, just like it has in the past. I look for happiness and securities in boys and then get completely broken down after it's over. But when you seek happiness and securities in the Lord, He will NEVER fail you. "The only one who can truly satisfy the human heart is the One who created it." You have to put everything into God before you can put anything into a relationship. I'm talking to myself. There's a lot on my mind tonight.

I Have Hope

Tonight I have kind of a heavy sad heart. Normally I would be sitting in my room thinking bad thoughts and being depressed, but tonight I have something, I have this hope that God reminded me of. A couple months ago my friend Chase, my sister Lexi, and myself were talking out in the front patio, and Chase showed me this verse that made me get a new perspective on my life and it opened my eyes. God was speaking through him that night literally it was exactly what I needed to hear, God was so real to me. But just now I'm realizing that I forgot about that night and tonight I am reminded of it right when I needed to hear it.

The verse he gave to me was Isaiah 40:27

³¹Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.

This verse is a constant reminder of God's love for me. It blows me away. I can't thank God enough for speaking through Chase that night and also for Chase being obedient to God. I can honestly say now looking back that night changed my life. It showed me that I have hope. A hope that will last forever. God doesn't give up on you even when it seems like everyone else has.

What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later.

Romans 8:18

Today I am thankful that...

• It rained a lot this morning and I got some good devotion time in
• I got to take my little sister to volleyball
• It was my first tie driving alone in a huge rain storm
• I got to talk to Lexi a lot
• I did absolutely nothing today, and I am okay with it (:
• I snuggled up and watched Spiderman 2 with my sisters
• I took a nap
• I went for a tough run.. and finished it
• Monica a Melanie are coming over tonight
• It will be a crazy night tonight (:

In other words..  I am glad I am alive today, it was a good one (:

Well my sisters are on my mind tonight, and just how grateful I am for them. Tonight was one that I really enjoyed with them. (: Me and Sidney (nooms, is what me and lexi call her) were in the basement watching a documentary of Taylor Swift with my dad and we were belting out all the lyrics she was singing in concert.. just like what we were doing in the car when  I took her shopping earlier today and we were singing "Because you live" by Jesse McCartney hahah we were screaming it.. AH so fun (: Then we all piled into Lexi's room and were making fun of nooms and a boy she might like haha and  I sat on her and tickled her until she cried.. I do that a lot (: Then we got all comfy on the floor and watched some of our favorite office episodes and were laughing so hard! I know this doesn't seem like something special, but to me it was SO special.  I love and cherish these little moments because I know that we won't always get to have these simple little times because we grow up and get busy and caught up with life! When Lexi goes back to college in the fall it is nights like this that I think I miss the most. Bottom line is my sisters are my best friends and they get me through everything and I mean literaly everything. I am beyond blessed that I get along with them so well! I really thank God for them every day. I have a love for them that is really special and not like the way I love other people. They were just on my mind tonight (:

I LOVE MY SISTERS (:



Let me tell you about my little gem of a sister. (: today happened to be her birthday. She is the sweetest most beautiful person. She has such a big heart and loves God very much. Even though she is younger than me, I look up to this girl. The way she expresses her feelings are very different... she never is the center of attention, she is usually the one observing and taking it all in. She has such a cute unique style and she doesn't let other peoples opinion effect her. That's another thing about her, she doesn't let anyone get her down, she is very much her own person and does her own thing. And did I mention she is a smart pants who gets straight A's? Yeah I guess I kind of envy that about her haha (: It's hard to love a person more then I do this little squirt. She makes my life so very happy and I am blessed to get the privilege to be her sister. I believe she is going to change the world and do big things when she grows up! It's a pretty special thing to have your sisters as best friends. I can't believe she is a teenager today! Did I mention she was thee CUTEST little girl? and STILL IS! I love my little noomsie. Happy 13th Birthday baby sister, so proud of the person you are! Much love XOXO

I wish more people believed this. I wish I believed it. This has been a secret personal struggle of mine for quite some time.. CONFIDENCE. It's actually a scary word for me. I feel like I look and act all confident on the outside, but on the inside the devil gets in my head and he makes me think I'm ugly. Sadly, I think this happens to most of us. Most days I just don't feel pretty or beautiful one bit. I want to crawl up back into bed and not even try. I compare myself with other girls, I think that is the root of the problem. Which is kind of a big problem, it's what you're not supposed to do. Because honestly what I have been learning these past weeks while God has really been working on me is that we are all SO BEAUTIFUL. I know that sounds really clique, but seriously. Why would God make something ugly? EVERYTHING He has made is PERFECT in His image. I mean like what is ugly about that? The world has such a twisted way of convincing people of what is pretty. Perfection and flawlessness=Pretty, and sadly I think they have convinced me and that is why I think of myself so lowly. But God has given me a Revelation sorta, whenever I look in the mirror, I kinda do this thing with myself where I point out one thing that I like about myself, it sounds kind of dorky.. well at least to me, but it has helped so much haha! I have this new confession for myself everyday and it really does help change your mind set.

You need to begin to understand your worth. You nee to understand you are a princess of the highest God. You need to grasp you are a Daddy's girl. You are not defined by the size of your boobs. You are not defined by the size of your butt. You are not defined by your clothes, hair, or how pretty your hair is. In fact, you were defined the moment Christ died at Calvary- a coheirs of Christ. You are not meant for abuse. You are not meant to feel ugly. You are not meant to feel little about yourself. You were meant to be beautiful, courageous, kind, and loving. You are meant to be fought for, forever. Grasp this, ladies, because God did not mess up His creation. Let me tell you something, you are more valuable than gold. 

I'm so excited about what God is doing in my life and I just have to get it down on paper and share it. God has never been so real to me before and it's literally something so immensely beautiful there is no words to describe how i feel. It's one of those feelings!

This whole opening my eyes moment started at LWCC summer camp a few weeks ago. Ever since then my life has kind of flipped upside down, but in the best way possible. I desperately needed it. The first night I was there was probably the best for me. I have had a struggle with depression for about 2 years and this night was a very freeing night. Right when praise and worship started I could feel God in the room, I could feel His presence and I broke down in tears. My dear friend Sonya came to pray for me and I just cried out to God and i felt this sense of comfort like I have never felt before, it was like a reassurance that God was right next to me, God was saying, "every thing's going to be okay". Then Brother Chris (the pastor who was speaking for the week) did an altar call for kids who were dealing with depression he told us to stand up. I stood up and my eyes were amazed and my heart broke for all the kids who stood up with me. It was kind of a comforting feeling that I wasn't alone with these thoughts and feelings. There were so many kids that we had to line up around the chapel and wait to be prayed for. While I was waiting I was praying just broken down before God then this sweet sweet girl Kylie came up to me and prayed over me. I have never even talked to this little girl before and at this point I kind of just lost it. That moment was one of the most special I was so deeply touched by that girl. Then when it was finally my turn to be prayed over by Brother Chris and when I got up there the fire of God came on me. No words can describe this. I fell to the floor and he pointed to me and said "you will get up a new person, you will never be the same". And oh boy was he right. Ever since that moment my life has been different. The next day at camp I was filled with this joy inside of me not only on the outside, but on the inside. I was truly HAPPY. This joy came from the Lord I know for a fact it did because I have never felt anything like it. It was like super natural joy! That same night I saw with my own eyes over 100 miracles. Did you get that? OVER 100 MIRACLES. Yeah I here about this stuff on T.V. and about all these church services where miracles happen, but I was there and saw it. I really don't think anything in my life will top that. That service was over 5 hours long, it felt like an hour.

That was only the first night. How could it get any better? Haha oh it most definitely did. It started with praise and worship then he tried to get into some preaching.. God definitely had a different route to take that night. Most of the people there became drunk in the Holy Spirit, I had never seen that before! What an experience haha. I kind of just sat there and honestly was a little upset with God. I wanted to be filled with God like that SO bad. Then after talking to a friend Zach Penn he gave me some good advice that I needed to hear, he said I had to be open to God with my heart and mind totally open to God and He will touch you when He wants to. I took his advice and just sat there kind of just took it all in and that's when it hit me. I started shaking uncontrollably it was the weirdest feeling, all of this happening while everyone else was drunk in the Holy Spirit. Then I realized God was in me, it gets better.. Brother Chris did another altar call the first one was for people who were called for leadership and being leaders and pastors. I didn't feel led to go up there. But then He did a second one for missions.. but not only missions, missions over seas. He was very specific about the over seas part. I was sitting there still shaking and my legs kind of went up there for me I knew with everything in me that I was supposed to go up there. I realized that God was in me I was filled by Holy Spirit. Just like Zach said.. I had to be open with my heart and mind. Brother Chris was right the night before, I got up a different person. Now I know what I going to do with my life. Here I am at age 16, and I know what I am supposed to do with my life without a shadow of doubt. It still blows my mind and I am SO over the moon excited to see what God is going to do in my life... and that was only the second night. Another 5 hours of being in God's presence. Felt like an hour.

I could write about my other nights at camp, but I would have to write a book. I can honestly say this camp experience has changed my life. How can that be possible you may ask? I can't explain it. No words can. I feel like God has taken my sad, broken, depressing life and is making something beautiful out of it. I learned that my story will change lives one day. I learned that the only reason why we are here on earth is for God and to save His people. It's selfish of us to keep this AMAZING INDESCRIBABLE love inside of us and let everyone else die. I learned to be strong in my weakness because God can take my weakness and make it my strength, but it's only through Him. I hope this little nutshell of a description of what God is doing in my life can be somewhat of an inspiration to you.