Lexi.

ughhhh i can't tell if I'm like just super tired or just super emotional tonight, but it is just really hitting me so hard that my sister is moving out again in 2 days. I really really thought it would be easier this time around, but IT IS NOT. i feel like such a baby like there are bigger things to be sad about like some peoples family members died or live on the other side of the country.. well yah know what? my sister lives 2 hours away and i am overly sad about it okay?? ughh life can be so sad and confusing and just stinkin crappy sometimes. don't get me wrong life is so beautiful and i do not take it for granted, but sometimes it's just not fun to deal with. what i really miss about her is the example that she sets for me. she makes me want to be a better person, i really love the way she ALWAYS asks about others and never talks about herself. she always is looking for ways to bless people. hah she spends her money on non profit organizations and never has money to buy things for herself because she has THAT big of a heart. when she's home i like to go up to her room and talk about stuff.. anything. she's the best advice giver that i know, she'll be really good at that when she's older! did i mention she can be a real pain in the booty sometimes too? haha don't get me wrong she's not always rainbows and butterflies! hah she gets in these moods sometimes where she just asks all these questions and she always pick the time when I'm super crabby. it's so interesting how she does that haha like just NONE stop questions about how i feel about this and how i feel about that and oh do you like this? i know that doesn't sound annoying but it is. But seriously that's WHY I LOVE HER. i really really want to strangle her sometimes, but all in all she's my sister and my best friend (along with nooms). i am blessed by her life and she has saved my life, literally. (maybe I'll get to that testimony some other time) i don't even know what else to say! my love for this lady goes deeper than words can go. i love you lexi, you are my favorite human being on this planet! I'm obsessed with my sisterS and i don't care who knows it (: haha that's all i have for tonight.

Good luck with your second year in college big sister. I am SO proud of you and honored to call you my sister. Much love for you cutie pa-too-tee! (:

He's still good.

Hey guyyyys. i recommend listening to this song ^^^ and then you can feel free to thank me later! Well why not just listen to the whole new CD of Benjamin Dunn an Friends? They're right up there with my favorite artists EVER. Anyways! It was kind of a bad day today hah I had a bad attitude I guess. I really don't like those kind of days, it's my own fault. Things happen and I have to chose to have a good or bad attitude about it. I chose a bad one today.. bummer. I hope well actually I'm trusting that God will take this situation that I'm bummed about and make it good somehow. I don't know it's a tough one for me it's happened before, but it's never fun to deal with! Keep me in your prayers. On the other hand all in all I thank God for the beautiful sunshine today and yeah I'm just happy I'm alive I guess.. Anyone else with me?? Praise the Lord, He is SO good. Okay well make sure you listen to this song and the whole album! I guess that's all for now.

I'm Happy.

Whoa. It's been a while! I guess I've just been in my own little world of thoughts lately. Hah well tonight I'm just really happy! For so many different reasons. I haven't been that happy lately, but tonight I'm in a very good moment and I want to stay in this place. I want to pause time and just be happy with the way things are right now. Tonight I was with my greatest friend J.P. and man oh man that kid is something else. He has taught me so much about life. I always enjoy and appreciate our times together, this kid sticks out to me in my small sea of friends. He's different and I'm blessed to call him my best friend. He inspires me and helps me with a lot of things in life. He does so much for me, i could brag about him a lot, but I won't do that tonight. Haha! Well and there's more.. uhm lets see I feel like God has been working on me and I haven't realized it until now i guess. He can be sneaky sometimes hah! I've been having a really bad attitude about my spot Cross Country. Specifically because I have a ridiculously small team and this kind of does not make it very fun for me anymore. I used to be so passionate about this sport, but then the team just kept on getting smaller an smaller. It's like okay God what are you doin here? I was so close to quitting and not doing it this year I was so frustrated with myself and with the sport. And I felt no support from any of my friends. It really really go me down. But then here's where God comes in.. I decided I was going to give it another shot and just suck it up and do it. So it's been a bumpy road, even this early in the season. But I've stuck with it and I know for a fact God is going to do some big things with me and my team this season! I'm so excited. SOO I guess that's me in a nutshell right now. OH and I had my very first day of work last night! It was so fun. I think I'll be good at it (: oh and I really really really like the Outcalt family! I just had to throw it out there.. they bless me in more ways I thought ever possible. Just had to get that out! That's all I have for tonight.

Thanks God.

i just want to write about how thankful i am..

i am thankful for:

1. new friends.

i have been having a really hard time finding genuine quality friends these past years. this has been on the top of my prayer list, that God would bring me loyal, happy people that i get to call my friends. and i feel like God has just gone above and beyond with this request. like seriously as i think of all the friends i have and how good they are to me, it doesn't make sense how blessed i am. i absolutely don't deserve it! i just asked God for one person, and He just knocked my socks off. me and lexi were just talking about all of our great friends the other night and how blessed we are! it's ridiculous, honestly. it just shows me how much God really cares about me and He just makes sure that i have real good friends. my heart goes out to the people who felt like i did last year, it's not a place you want to be. just want to throw it out there.. I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND. (:

     2. my momma

today happens to be an extra special day. it's my momma's birthday! i am especially thankful for her today and for her life. without her i would not be alive like literly haha! she is the greatest person i have ever known and i mean that. she sets such a great example for me and provides for me more than i could ever need. some of my favorite things that we do together is working out and taking long walks, going shopping with her (she is my favorite person to shop with), and i like talking to her about everything! she is such a great person and i love her so much. i am very blessed and thankful.

     3. creation

i am in awe of God's creation all the time. as i look around i am just so amazed. it's super cool how all the time God's comes up with new ways to bless us and amazing. it's like i'm so excited to get up and see what God has for me that day. He is SO good. mmm i just want to scream! haha

Growing Up

Ahhh man! Whatta day. Soooo I had my first day of training today at American Eagle. I got the job by the way (; it's just so weird for me to say "I'm going to work". I would have never thought I would get to this age. Haha really. I thought the rapture would happen by then or something! I'm not even that old, but I feel like a big kid, because I am (: Anyways! Things that have been on my mind tonight.. all my friends who will be going to college in a couple weeks. As I write that, tears fill my eyes. I really don't like this, but then I am SO proud of all of them. Honestly it's so bittersweet, but mostly bitter for me. I remember at this time last year Lexi was about ready to leave for college and that was one of the toughest times of my life. My best friend moved out and started a new adventure somewhere else in a different state. Now I feel like all my friends are doing the same. I am so happy for them I just wish I was going with them! HA. I feel like I am getting used to this feeling which I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing. The other day, Lexi and I were talking about how God gives us the ability to move on. Such as when a loved one passes, God gives us the ability to move forward. I can't imagine all the unsaved ones out in the world. How do they get through life with constantly being depressed and never moving on with your life? It's just cool how God helps you with overcoming that. So I kind of related that to everyone moving away. God gave me peace about my sister moving away and now I am finally okay with it, I can be happy for her and I can be happy here at home without her. I know that sounds bad, but it really isn't. Of course I will always miss my sister, but it's life! I gotta move on. All that has been going around in circles in my mind a lot lately. All these people will always be in my prayers and I will never forget all the memories we had, they are some of the best in my life! I was so blessed by the times I got to spend with them. I just kinda got overwhelmed with all of this today. Everything just caught up to me. It's finally getting real to me that they are all going away. So I'm just sitting here and thinking back and crying like a baby haha. Ahhh I'm so blessed to of had such great people in my life. I know I'm making it sound like they're dieing, but I guess I just take things hard. And this is always a really hard thing for me. They're not dieing... haha! Anyways to sum it all up, I am one proud friend. Much love!

I have my very first interview in a couple of hours and I have no idea what I'm doing! haha Jesus take the wheel. Oh boy!



God is Beauty.

As I was on my run today, there was quite a lot on my mind. I want to just find a cliff with a rock and sit there and just talk to God and cry. That may sound like really weird, but I really just want a place away from everything and just take a break. Yah know? I kind of found a little place like that! And I kind of did that today, just talked to God about everything. It was such a relief, it's amazing how God can do that! That's kind of a big part of why I love to run. Not many people understand why I run. But for me it's a way to get a way for a while, from reality sort of. When I'm on a run, I always talk to God about everything, it's like my own counseling session. It's so hard to explain, but I really think I would be a crazy person if I wasn't a runner. When I get back all of my problems just seem lighter and not so much of a big deal. Also what's cool about God (there are so many things) is that He cares about the really little things. I mean you can only talk to a friend about something for so long then they start to get annoyed, but with God.. you can just go on and on and tell Him about everything, maybe some things that you can't even tell your best friend. It's pretty cool how he does that, He is the best listener. Also I really liked the sky tonight. I got to enjoy it as I watched my dads soccer game! There was so much detail in the clouds and the colors were pretty amazing!

Kind of going off subject, but one thing that God showed me today was Amos 6. This chapter talks about "those who only live for today, something that stuck out to me is that we shouldn't only live for today, we should look at the big picture. Right now something that i'm not struggleing with, but I guess something that I think about all the time is a boyfriend. And how it kind of sucks that I don't have one. That would be looking at today, but in the future some boy will blow my socks off and it will be worth the wait. When I look at it that way it doesn't seem all that bad! God will work EVERYTHING out. I trust Him with everything in my life. That was kind of random, but I needed to say that.

Also this song has been on repeat all day and the lyrics are SO stinkin beautiful..

http://www.songlyrics.com/beautiful-eulogy/beautiful-eulogy-lyrics/

P.S. listen to this.. PLEASE!

Welp. I know I should be in bed right now, considering I have to get up at 6 in the morning, but I just have too much on my mind! One of those deep in thought nights. I am just in awe of God tonight. It's kind of hard to get all of my feelings down.. as usual, but today as I took a drive with my little sister and the sun was shining so bright, not a cloud in the sky. I was just thinking, how can you not believe in God? I just do not understand. Like are you not looking around? Even just like the little details amaze me. For example, trees. Haha next time you look at a tree look at the detail of it then think of how many there are! They are so beautiful. How does God come up with this stuff? I am just SO thankful for having Him as my heavenly father, I get to live my life with a purpose. This life is all for Him nothing else. Sometimes it's so easy for me to get caught up in the little things in life. It bugs me! There's so much I could say, but I don't know where to start! God is SO good.

http://benjamindunn.bandcamp.com/album/circus-of-love

obsessed.