Can I just tell you about my day? Haha if you don't care then just don't read this haha!
Anyways ahh okay it was just such a good day! I went to work early in the morning and at the end of my shift, this sweet boy that I really like surprised me and I just about died haha it was so sweet! (: and he just set the tone for the day. Then I went to volunteer for my missions trip, and that was just such a happy thing! I didn't realize how much it blesses me when I bless other people, and it was just so fun to share God's love and experience the joyful Christmas spirit! It was such a happy time. Then to top it all off.. I had such a good talk at starbucks with some of my absolute favorites, Lexi and Monica. Woah. I love the little talk we had. I love being real like that and just pouring our hearts out about how much people are really hurting and lost in this world. I love there hearts and how they want and plan to make a difference in this world. It's cool to know world changers! Mmm I am one blessed lady.

And I just really hope that all of you feel loved. Because you are. All you hurting people are my passion. I want to help. I pray for you and care for you. Know that!

Just Thinking

Do you ever get frustrated with God? That sounds so bad, but really sometimes it's so frustrating to talk to someone who you feel like is not listening because we usually don't hear a voice back. I think we all have felt this way at some point in our life. I just feel like my life is on pause right now. I've been waiting for direction on a lot of things, but so far I feel like He isn't hearing me or isn't doing anything about what I'm asking. It's so frustrating, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I want answers! I feel so lost, but then again I know He's got it under control. I just want to know that I'm doing the right thing, yah know? It's really hard to be patient.

I haven't blogged in a while because I feel like my words are lame. Like everything I say is just pointless. I want to make a difference in people's life, and I just have been feeling very small. I feel like everything I say is just stupid hah. I get really frustrated sometimes, I want to be there for people, I want to be that person everyone goes to. I feel useless, "I'm praying for you" and "I'm here for you" just seem so useless. I wish I could take the pain from everyone and hurt for them. It really really bugs me to see people hurting. Like ahhh I don't know if I'm getting this out right. But I just want to mean more to people. I want to feel important. And I don't at all. I feel like an average kid, and I don't want to be in that place. Why do friends always leave? I must be doing something wrong. I'm just frustrated with myself.

Last thing, I have been feeling very thankful. Thankful for everything that I do have. I was recently reminded of how precious life is and that we could loose anyone in a second. It's a scary thought. So really over use "I love you" and take a minute to just think about people and all the wonderful ones in your life. And maybe even tell them? Yeah i would do that.

Sorry my thoughts are so confusing. It's so hard to get them into words sometimes.

Be secure in this.

Lexi and Sidney.

 

 

 Let me introduce to you to my world. These are my girls. Tonight I am just feeling overly grateful for these two lives. I am proud to call them my best friends and sisters. It's a cool feeling knowing that someone is always there for you. It's cool knowing that we'll always be together, there is no way we can grow apart and not see each other like friends often do. I get to spend the rest of my life with these rascals and that is just such a great feeling. Really I'm so happy God decided to make them my sisters. Guys I'm crying haha like I love them so much I don't think you understand. HAPPY tears. These girls are the real deal. They are SUCH great role models. They are such great friends to other people, they love the Lord with all there heart. There love for God makes me want to love Him more. They inspire me daily. I am so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with you guys. We really truly have been through it all together. My love for you both goes deep and will never run out.

Thank you God for these precious lives.

 

 

Crazy Love.

I've just started reading the book "Crazy Love" for the second time, because the first time just wasn't enough. READ IT. PLEASE.

So I feel like I talk about God's love a lot.. well how can I not? The more I read about it the more I am just speechless. Sometimes I feel like my words just mess everything up, ya know?

I'm going to take a stab at talking about the reality of God. Well there really is no reality. In this book, it says that our words cannot contain Him. Think about that. Our words aren't even close to being good enough for Him. There is NO WAY we can ever fathom who God is. He is so holy. Holy means "nothing and no one compare to Him." Do you ever feel like it's hard to love God? That sounds so bad, but really lets be honest. Why is it so hard for us to love and remember a God so wonderful? Shouldn't it be easy to love God? "When we love God because we feel we should love Him, instead of genuinely loving out of our true selves, we have forgotten who God really is."

It is ridiculous to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending.

God doesn't have to know us so well, but He does. Isn't it so comforting to worship a God who loves and cares for us so much? He is the real deal. He cares about us so much, and yet we don't have the consideration to worship Him on a regular basis. Our whole life should be based around Him. I guess I'm just a little frustrated with myself on how I kind of take God so lightly. There are no words to describe Him. Do you understand that? No words are good enough. It just blows my mind.

Sometimes I don't even know where to start with God. I kind of get overwhelmed with the idea of Him. But sometimes you just gotta sit there and admire you creator and usually that's enough. Just sit there and admire Him. Don't rush into His presence with with words. When you do that Sometimes I feel like I have to do all the talking when it comes to God. But really just sitting there in His presence is more that any words could ever start to say.

Just love Him guys.

Stop blowing Him off. Stop thinking your sin is too big. Stop thinking you're not good enough to talk to Him.

He created you, He already knows what's happening, Now just talk to Him about it. Stop holding back from him, you can't do it on your own, so don't. Just because it's hard and uncomfortable doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. God cares more than anyone in the world ever could.

He loves you.

Live Loved

So lately I've been waiting... Waiting on God. I haven't really been asking for anything. I wanted to just thank Him instead of asking Him. Doing that simple, but not so simple thing has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Honestly I just haven't been feeling loved lately, I don't know why, I have just been feeling unloved unwanted, forgotten all those depressing things. So I went to God and He showed me something... HIS LOVE. And boy am I stupid, I AM LOVED.

 

Ever since a friend spoke in chapel this morning I have just been thinking about God's love constantly. Ah man God's LOVE. He made a good point, God's love has kind of been misunderstood and redefined in the wrong way we have lost the realness of it, we use the term "God loves you" so carelessly. You guys it is SO special and SO sacred. There is nothing like it. Why is it so easy for us to forget about God? It seems like so many people are stuck in depression, loneliness, sadness, regret, hurt, all of those things and really the ONLY thing we need is God. Why do we always forget Him? It's SO simple. Call on His name and He WILL answer. Try it, it will work, it's the ONLY thing that will work. The thing that gets me the most about His love is that we don't have to do anything, He loves us just because. Forget that He died for all humanity. Even if it was just one person.. just YOU. He still would have GLADLY done it. He loves us so much you guys, if only we could get our heads rapped around that.

God's love changes things.

Repent means change direction, not just feel bad about sin.

 

While you were still sinners I died for you.

 

If you're not loving Him well you don't need to try harder you need to believe that he loves you more.

 

And how do you do that? You keep gazing on Jesus because Jesus said you're so bad I had to die for you.

 

It robs you of your right to be proud, but it also says that I'm so loved that Jesus was GLAD to die for me.

 

That lifts us up and robs us of our right to be depressed.

 

We loved because He first loved us.

 

 



Spend some time with God today.

The creator of the universe loves YOU.

He loves you with this unconditional love.

Uncontional love that will satisfy you.

Truly satisfy you for the rest of your life.

It will satisy you longer than any one person can make you feel.

Just love Him.

Love Him simply because He is.

No more.

No less.

Simply because He exists.

Tell Him thank you.

For anything.

For everything.

Do it.

Feel alone?

YOU'RE NOT.

This story moves me so much! I hope you get the chance to watch this video.

I don’t know if it’s possible to define a point where a friendship begins. There is no clear threshold—but there is proof that one has crossed it. A friend is a story-bearer, one who lives so that the life of their friend may be known to everyone they meet. Even the most selfish among us, if they have a friend, will melt in a moment’s notice at the heartbreak of a loved one. The meek will dig to find their loudest voice on behalf of someone they hold dear.

Friendship can at times be painful and sleepless, but it is never a chore. Friendship assures that our screams and questions will never go unnoticed. Friendship knows that piecing together questions and lives is an honor.

Levi, Bree, and Gage are my friends. They are among my brothers and sisters in my “Tour Family.” I don’t know if I would still be doing what I do without them. They hold within them immense beauty, talent, and inspiration. They have felt pain and warmth, and they desire to share the things they have learned. After Levi and Bree lost their father to suicide, they wrote a song with Gage and his band To Speak of Wolves called “Rearview Memories” to tell their story, and this video aspires to keep that story alive.

This video and the song that inspired it remind us we are in this together, that art and friends exist to help us remember how to walk after we’ve fallen to our knees. It serves as a reminder that you deserve such friendship. It is worth the fight to be heard, and we stand behind you.

If you feel alone, know that the voices represented here understand how you feel. This is not the end of your story. Don’t give up. Our friends at 1-800-SUICIDE and 1-800-273-TALK stand at the ready for you. Reach out. Ask for help. You are so worth it.

—Chad

Joy.

So I'm in the word tonight, I'm opened up to John 16 and i recommend you read this. It talks about joy! Jesus gives an analogy...

^21-23 “When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions.

^23-24 “This is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I’ve revealed to you. Ask in my name, according to my will, and he’ll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks!

So what this means to me is, that we are getting joy. It doesn't matter where you are in life, you can find joy, where ever you're at. You kind of have to go through the pain to get that joy. Could you imagine if life were just all good all the time and just joy joy joy 24/7? Yeah maybe for a while it would be fun, but with out pain and conquering something really tough you don't really have an accomplishment or that feeling of satisfaction, it feels so much better when you work through something and get the joy instead of just getting joy handed to you. The joy is a thousand times better when you work for it. I hope this is making sense. Just something I got out of this verse. I encourage you to read the chapter!
 
And also one more thing, I'm curious! What does joy mean to you? You can like actually write a comment or just think to yourself, but I really want to know! Is it being happy? Or feeling pretty or strong? Having a bunch of friends? All of the above? or Like the little things? and what little things? Just think about it! And once you got it. Tell God and ask Him to give you that joy that you're looking for.

I guess joy for me is the little things in life. Like when I'm in a good mood, or looking at God's beautiful creation, being in the presence of my family, feeling included and happy with friends, getting advice from my "hero's" in life and having deep talks with them, or finishing a really good run or workout, or getting a compliment, hugs from my mom, getting excited about God's word, when my sister comes home, feeling pretty, getting butterflies from a boy, putting a really cool outfit together, when people laugh at me, getting a hard concept in math, recognizing God's love for me.. seriously the list goes on and on and on... I could just be happy sitting on a path and staring at a tree for hours haha. I'm weird like that. But it's weird because I have so many things that give me joy, but my joy is so easily destroyed. I really really want a joy that God is talking about in John 16. And I'm praying for it.

Yep.

Alright guys it's just one of those nights where i need to write. i tried sleeping and that just didn't work. I gotta write about my incredible friends, yah i said FRIENDS. i have FRIENDS. haha

ah man i've been praying for friends like these, i really have and i got them. straight up got them from God. and they happen to be in the same family. imagine that hah, you guessed it Madeline and Monica. Oh my heavenly days, these girls, i really don't know what it is about them, but there's just something special. They're those kind of friends that you know they'll be there forever. It's funny how they do it, you could be having thee worst day or be in the worst mood, and they could just say one word or give you that look haha and you would be instantly better and laugh so hard your tummy hurts. They're the kind of friends who make you want to be a better person. They're the most encouraging girls EVER. I just can't say enough about them, i hope you're getting the point. Even though you may not care about my friendship status whatsoever, i just had to write about them. I got to be with them the whole weekend, and it was just a treat, i love there hearts. I think that's what I like about them the most maybe, I don't know I can't decide. hah but just listening to them and having heart to hearts with them, it's cool to hear there thoughts and just the little things. And they demonstrate to me how much God cares. I don't know if that makes sense, but God cares about me so much, so He sent them to me or something hah I don't know, this friendship just has God written all over it! And it shows how beautiful God's heart is. Like it may take a while to see God work. But He will work. It's just on his time because He knows what's best, and it can be so hard to wait, but it's SO worth it guys. It's a great thing to call these girls my best friends. Mhmm!

one of my new favorites! check it out.

The Reality of God's love and Worship.

Woah whatta crazy topic. i can't believe I'm going to tackle it. Of course it's been something that has been on my heart... Sometimes i just get like literally blown away by God's love. Like last night I couldn't sleep because God's love was just so real to me. It's crazy how he does that. No one in the world could know that you are suffering so bad, but God knows, but He has this special way of doing something about your hurt and suffering that no one else can do. His love is like no other love in the world. You can't get it from a boyfriend, your best friend, your mom, even your dog or something. You can't find a love like this ANYWHERE. It's the best and one of a kind. Guess what you have to do to get it? NOTHING. That's what is so stinkin special about it, even if you just committed a murder He still loves you. Think about that and let it sink in for a little bit. It brought me to tears when I finally got it. Guys God, the creator of the universe loves you with this unconditional love that no one else can give you. Are you still feeling alone? I'm not..

Okay worship, another thing that is SO precious. I don't think most of us understand how important and sacred it is. It wasn't until I found myself with few friends that I actually understood worship. I was alone most nights and there wasn't anything else for me to do but worship God. I was in my room and just worshiped Him. When you get quiet before Him and just simply talk and pour your heart to Him, powerful things happen in you. You can't understand it until you do it. I was also in chapel the other day and I felt God it there. It's so SO SO incredibly cool when a bunch of people are gathered together and singing and praising God. My heart was so full at that moment.

He loves YOU. Yes YOU. I don't know who reads this blog, but I wish I could talk to every single on of you and tell you how much you matter and how much your heavenly father loves you. It doesn't even matter what you've done or thinking of doing. Do you ever feel like you're not good enough to talk to God? Or you've just been in such a bad place where you think He won't accept you back? I'm telling you, there is nothing you could have possibly done that would make Him love you less. Confess that until you believe it.

Do you ever get up, just feeling like crap? Like life isn't worth it or your life just is just worthless with no meaning? The advice I have for you is change your attitude and view on life. When your attitude changes your world changes. I'm actually talking to myself. I'm going to be honest my attitude about school lately has been awful. I love my school with my whole heart, but being alone all the time makes school the worst. I just go to school and "get through the day." I want more out of my life yah know? My sister Lexi told me about her roommate and how she loves to learn. Isn't that weird? That's what I thought at first, but then I thought about it and like what the heck learning can be so great. I GET to go to school and learn, it's amazing how the brain works. And the other night I actually enjoyed studying. Haha that's so weird for me. So bottom line is change your attitude if you aren't happy with life. You have a purpose and God loves YOU. I hope you are blessed and never give up.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.

Fear.

So I was in church this morning and it was one of those sermons where i felt like it was written just for me. The topic was fear and there were some great points made.

Do you ever notice how fear comes in times of physical, emotional, and spiritual tiredness? Because that is when you are at your lowest and weakest, it's the easiest for the devil to destroy at that time. It's harder to call on God at that time. But Jesus usually waits to be asked to intervene. He waits for you to ask for help. We're usually so selfish to think that God can't help us with our problems and we try to handle them on our own. We kind of tend to even push God away even and avoid Him. When we are dealing with tough stuff and you are scared to face the problem, is the first thing that pops in your head is to ask for God's help? If not, you might want to rethink your strategy.
 Practical steps to conquering fear:

• ADMIT fear to God
• CALL to God for His power
• RELEASE fear to Him
• ASK God to increase your faith

These things are easier said then done, I'm sure we all know this. And I've been thinking, when we are supposed to give thanks to God in all circumstances, like that can be SO hard, and I know that sounds kind of bad because He's given me so much well He's given me everything, but what happens when we go through something tough like we're just supposed to praise God for being in that situation? Yeah.. we are. It's not an easy thing to do. But just because it's not an easy thing to do doesn't mean that we're just excused from doing it, it's something that I've really been working on.

So where I'm getting at is praise God in ALL circumstances, not just when everything is all good and happy in life. Even in the hardest times, praise God. And also call out to God when you are in fear, don't try to fix things yourself, trust me if you do it that way, it can only make it worse.

just rambleing.. (might be confusing)

Woah so much on the mind tonight.

Well I don't know one thing that I've just been thinking about tonight is people. And how important it is to surround yourself with people who build you up as a person and build your faith up and not tear that down. Your friends and the people you hang around effect you more than you know. Recently I had kind of a rude awakening, God kind of showed me I was hanging with the wrong group, and it was tough realizing that. I loved these people, I still do, SO much. But I realized I was just comfortable. I wasn't being encouraged or stretched as a person, or being built up in my faith.  I was just kind of blah.. blending in, and I don't want to blend in I want to be different.. Gosh I hope this is all making sense to you guys!

Also one thing that has really been on my mind is.. well I'm trying to narrow it down, but my top 5 people I look up to the most in life and I think I got it down. Do you guys want to know? Well I'm going to tell you any ways haha because well I think these people are some of the greatest people on the planet and everyone should know them. It's an honor. And well it's been "on my heart" to be a leader.. and I've been looking to these guys for help and they are the definition of a leader and just straight up solid human beings. I want to be like them. Okay I'll tell you.. Lexi, Spencer, Chase, Mikayla, and my dad/mom. These guys are world changers. Gosh I wish I could just tell you all the times they have touched my life and genuinely care about people. There hearts are the most beautiful things and gosh you guys, I'm tearing up. I hope sometime in your life you get the chance to talk to them. Okay enough about that.

Last thing. My heart is just kind of overflowing with happiness tonight. There are SO many beautiful reasons to be happy. But the biggest reason why I'm happy is just simply because I am alive. I don't know that always just gets me going. I really shouldn't be alive if you think about it. If you have no reason to be happy at all, just be grateful your alive. Simply for that reason.

Thanks for readin my thoughts, I'm kind of all over the place tonight!

We're "blessed"?

I here it all the time.. "I'm blessed", but what does that really mean? I've been studying Matthew chapter 5 lately and it amazes me so much!

 This chapter is exactly how the christian life is supposed to look like. For some of us being blessed is in what we have.. like how great our family is, or that we have a house to live in, or that we have great friends or we are happy with what we just got for a present. The list goes on and on, but what about when all that goes away or goes wrong? Are we still "blessed"? It may be hard to feel like we are, but  the answer is yes, we are. Then what about people who don't have any of that stuff period? Are they blessed? Yes. Let me just quote a few verses from chapter 5 it explains what being blessed actually is. (I know this is a lot, but I dare you to read it all, it changed the way I look at life):

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
⁵ “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

⁶ “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

⁸ “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

¹⁰ “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.

^11-12 “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

So guys, we are blessed. No matter what you do or do not have. Being blessed can mean more than what you posses as material things, because they will go away. Remember that, it can really be hard sometimes. This week was really hard for me to feel blessed or thankful, everything went wrong, it was one thing after another. But in the end I look at these verses and guess what? I'm still blessed.

http://grace-inherheart.tumblr.com/post/35623097978/for-all-the-weary-hearted

Read my sister's BEAUTIFUL heart. i think everyone needs to hear this, it hit home for me.

Yah know when I said I had this unshakable joy in my last post? I don't have it.. I feel like I lost my joy today. How can this happen? Going from that to feeling like this. I know my joy is still there it's just not unshakable. Keep me in your prayers.

I'm just thankful.

Wow, it's been a while. I have so many drafts that I have saved but never had the guts to publish them. There has been so much on my mind lately! Ah recently I have just been pumped about what God is doing in my life.. like always. I'm just excited for my life! It's like God has given me this joy that no one can destroy! I have been praying a lot for a hunger for God, I ask God for a desire to want to know Him more. Because I think that we all get to that place where everything is great in life, and when that happens we tend to forget about God. We only ask God for help when we need Him or when we are hurting and alone. But what about when everything is good? I think that is when we need God the most actually. God has blessed me with these 4 incredible friends and 4 amazing family members. Madeline, Monica, Jp, Mikayla, Lexi, Sidney, Mom, and Dad. And I don't know lately I have just been thinking about how far I have come and I don't think I would have made it without all of them and I know God sent them to me. They make me happy to be alive. It's not very many people, but I'm glad. I've been noticing the little things in life too like my really comfy bed and all the clothes that I have and that I have access to food whenever I want and the fact that I can see perfectly with my two eyes and I can hear with my ears and that I can speak and sing to God with my voice. That I don't have cancer or I have organs that work like God made them too. Or that I have a car that I can drive. Like all the little things mean the most to me. You can have the big things, they don't really mean as much. My gratitude for everything God has blessed me with is overflowing everyday. And I hope you know that I don't take them for granted. So thanks God.. for everything.

To My Future Husband

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I wonder what you're doing right now, I'm so excited to meet you one day! I bet you're really cute and longboard.. well I hope you do. (; I bet you're that super smokin' hot hipster style that I like haha, super funny, and a strong man of God. You better be, it makes me excited and I get butterflies when I think about you, even though I haven't even seen you or met you.. or maybe I have. I pray for you ever night. It makes all these silly little crushes in high school seem dumb, but I know I'm just searching until I find you. Oh and I pray for our kids too. Even though it's killing me that I don't know who you are now, I know God will blow my socks off when I meet you, that'll probably be the best day of my life! Just know that I think about you all the time and I'm excited for our life together. I have this big dream of serving God in a cool way with my husband for a living. I don't know what that will look like, but whatever it is I hope it's what God wants! Just so you know you better ask me to marry me in the most ridiculous way.. hah cause that's like my huge dream in life. And know that i'm a sucker for flowers.. like that would make my life (: Oh and we're going to have little dance parties in our family room like every night, okay? We're going to have a good life, and I'll never have to feel alone when I have you! Haha this is super dumb, but I've been watching this show one tree hill haha oh my and i hope we have a relationship like Peyton and Lucas. Hahah ahh i can't believe I just said that ahhh! But anyways, I love you very much and I'll see you later.

-Paige

What can wash away my sin?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus;

What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Meditating on these precious words tonight.

think about it.

Feeling Guilty.

I've kind of been annoyed with myself lately. I'm just going to be straight up with you. I just want to be a better person. I feel guilty for being alive, is that bad? I think it is. I feel like I've been so selfish with all the stuff that I have. I complain too much, I don't love people enough. I get so annoyed with people so easily. I get mad at my parents and disrespect them when some kids don't even have a mom or dad. I complain about how I don't have enough room in my closet for all my clothes, like are you kidding me? some kids don't even have clothes! I complain about going to school and how I have to go and learn.. learn at this beautiful christian school. Some kids have brain damage whose dream would be to learn something. I complain about how my Internet isn't working or isn't fast enough.. I mean come on! Kids are homeless.. on the street with no where to go. Gahh the list goes on and on, I just am feeling so guilty tonight. I know that God blessed me with such a great house and the best family anyone could ever ask for and I am SO unbelievably grateful for that, but I still feel bad, I still feel guilty for it all. Why me? Why do I get all this, when other people have to suffer? Why did God choose me? I wish I could know the answer. I wish I could do something for everyone hurting, I can pray, but I want to do more! I suffered with depression and wanted to kill myself while other are so desperate and looking for a miracle to stay alive. I don't understand myself.. why do I complain? WHY? This is just on my mind tonight. God is good and I simply praise Him for all that I DO have. It's just on my heart.

Mornin'!

Whatta B-E-A-utiful day to be alive! Wowzers, I woke up with joy today! And you wanna know what is super cool? I've been thinking about God none stop lately. I'm kind of obsessed with Him, I've just been constantly talking to Him and just in a cloud of thoughts about Him. Ah it's so cool. I'm pretty sure that if a non-bleliever comes across my blog and reads this they will think I'm crazy and wierd.. and I might be haha but I'm crazy in love with God. And feel free to ask me questions about God. I want everyone to have this feeling! I've been thinking about God's love a lot and how much He loves us. Not because of all the good or bad things we have done or not done, but simply because we are His child. He loves us unconditionally. Even the most messed up serial killer, He LOVES them more than you can imagine. Ughhh that's just unthinkable to me, I WANT to love like that. God is constantly blowing my mind, and I don't just say that like litterally He does. Haha sometimes I just sit in class and I look at someone and think wow God how did you come up with such a beautiful person? It was actually during study hall the other day and I got caught up in thought about people and how different we all are. All of our personalities and how different we all act, everyone has that at least one thing about them and is SO beautiful and God is going to use that beautiful thing for their future. I'm sorry if I'm not making sense here, people just amaze me. I've been kind of feeling like a nerd lately haha, but i'm okay with it. I'm sure none of this is making sense, it's the morning and I usually don't make sense in the morning haha! Anyways it's going to be a GREAT day today! I got my puppy snoring next to me and I'm lookin out the front window at a beautiful fall day! I'm excited for what God has for me today.

p.s. i've memorized this song and i was singing it in my head during my race the other day and it got me through my race, so give it a listen!

Just a quick little note!

I just have a little thought tonight.. I AM ALIVE. haha how cool is that? ughh man, life is such a gift! As Bruce Springsteen once said, "it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive" it sure isn't. Lately I've just been a little pumped about being alive!

Oh and if you haven't watched this.. watch it and share it with everyone you know.

I am high on the Holy Spirit.

Can you be high on the Holy Spirit? Haha because if you can I have been lately! SO i just want to write about what I have learned and realized about God this week. It's been crazy! So on Sunday at church Pastor Steve was talking about sin and this sermon kind of hit home for me. Just a few points he made that stood out to me was that 1) you can't take time off of God. I know He will ALWAYS be there to take you back and everything, but during that time that you're taking off from Him and His word, you are getting filled with the world and it's kind of like you're taking one step back. You're getting no where you have to constantly be committed to Him. 2)

The measure of our spiritual depth and maturity is not our sinlessness.

It is the amount of time between when we sin an when we humbly confess and repent.

Our greatest victory will always be God's victory of grace over our great sin through the cross of Jesus Christ.

Okay then another thing.. I've been meditating on Matthew 10:29-42 in the message Bible.

It's called "Forget About Yourself" this was kind of convicting, but I really think everyone should read it and study it, seriously! Ahh I got so pumped up on these verses the other day. It was so great. SO READ IT!!

Last thing. Last night was another one of those nights when I just got filled with God, just in my room. I was watching this video, I think I've watched it about 20 times now ha. This guy is seriously someone I look up to so much and I don't even know him. His testimony is incredible, it's so cool how he is so real about God, he doesn't sugar coat it for people. Ugh this organization is SO amazing. Come and Live.

These people are worshiping me for one reason. They lift there hands and they worship Jesus because he IS no MORE no LESS just because he exists.

If you ever get the chance to speak the name of Jesus, DO IT.

Hosea 6:6

I'm after love that lasts, no more religion.



listen to this song!

I had a really good day today! I have been meditating on this song  A LOT lately. I hope you find a time to get quiet with God and listen to it. I encourage it.. it helps if you're goin through something tough. God is ALWAYS there. Just remember that. And I kinda feel like I just need to say that I'm here too, if you're hurting really bad and just need somone, I would LOVE to help you.  Seriously.. you know where to find me.. whoever you are! Haha

Just somethin' that makes me smile. (:

I just got a little flash back today.. of when i was a little baby/toddler haha this is so random, but it made me smile (: my family always used to dance, like all the time. My mom would always hold me and dance with me, even if we were just swaying back and forth. I was watching home videos the other day and my dad got it on tape one time, it's such a special thing to me! I always look back to all those memories and just smile. This song in particular it always makes me remember my mom holding me when I was just a little girl and swaying back and forth. This may be cheesy, haha but really I am so blessed to have those memories! That just made me smile today! .

I Am Living.

Every time I watch this, I just get so moved and touched and excited. How can I sleep? Haha seriously I don't know I'm just so excited about God. I just don't even know what to do myself right now. There's this burning passion in my heart that gets me so energized! Please just watch this video. I hope you're as moved as I am! His testimony.. seriously i'm speechless. I'm just sitting here in my room realizing how big my God is. In tears, I just don't know what to do right now. haha I just can't sleep I'm too excited about God. This makes me so ahhhh I don't have words. haha guess what you guys? I'M HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. God's grace has overtaken me. I'm happy I didn't give up. Suicide is the easy way out. I don't want that. Finally I don't want that. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm done! I know I have a purpose in life. FINALLY i know this and i realize it and i'm ready to make a difference. ah thank you Jesus. Sometimes words just can't do justice.. i don't know what else to say. God IS moving in me tonight.

Right now i am giving my heart to you, and if you don't want it.. then nobody wants it.

Cause I don't want it. I'm telling you right then and there, I couldn't stop smiling. You finally became a real man and looked to your creator and said here I am take me.

You're not going to be perfect, you're going to fall again. God knows it, but He loves you you'll never be alone. YOU ARE FORGIVEN. don't abuse grace. but embrace it. understand it.



TWLOHA

ah man i feel like God has been working on me. that's a cool feeling! something that i just can't stop thinking about is To Write Love On Her Arms. I'm kinda thinking that that will have a part in my life. I've been reading up on their intern program and I am like so totally 100% moved. And like want to do something. I have a passion for this! I have a passion for hurting people. Maybe God put that passion in me? I just want to help people. It's kind of super scary thinking about my future honestly. All this talk about applying to college and like moving away and growing up! It's scary. I'm only 16 i mean come on people! I'm still just a kid. haha it's weird growing up. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it doesn't matter because it's going to happen whether i like it or not hah!  I'm scared that I'll make the wrong decision for a college. Or I'll do a job that God doesn't want me to be doing. All I want is peace and to know that I'm doing the right thing. I really hope God wants me to be apart of TWLOHA. Ahh it just gets me pumped up just thinking about it!


http://www.twloha.com/vision/story/

Trees and Just Plain Amazement.

This tittle might sound weird to you haha. But it pretty much describes my day actually! It started off with me waking up. PRAISE the Lord for that. Mmm and I was actually excited to get up for some reason? It was cool how God gave me that joy. We left a little earlier this morning to go to "see you at the pole" at school. This was just like the ultimate kick start to my day, I seriously wish we could do that every morning. It meant a lot to me, it just really did! It was such an honor to able to do that ahh it just seriously made my day so great hah I don't know how else to say it! I was simply amazed at God. Then at cross country practice today, we went on a 4 mile run. I got to run with just the girls today which was nice, I sure do love those girls a whole lot! It was one of those runs where I felt like I could run forever and ever and I wouldn't have to stop. I actually enjoyed it today! Normally I just enjoy the benefits of finishing my run. But today I got to enjoy all of it. I really love how we all push each other and yeah ahh I just really enjoyed that run today! Oh and another thing. Trees. Haha okay it's like super weird, but trees are kind of like a huge interest of mine. I seriously could just sit there and look at a tree for a long time. I'm really weird like that I guess. Hah but today the trees were exceptionally jaw dropping ridiculously breath takingly beautiful. Ha seriously. I LOVE all the detail that God puts into them! I LOVE all the colors and I just recognize all the thought God put into each and every tree in the world. It blows my mind to think about. Trees just fascinate me what can I say? And today while I was driving home, I smiled SO SO big and I didn't even know what to do with myself and I just kinda laughed to myself because I think God made them extra pretty for me today maybe? like they were INCREDIBLE. hah I don't know am I crazy for thinking that? I probably sound like a super weird kid or something haha I'm NOT a tree hugger or anything like that haha seriously I'm not! A dream of mine would be to sit on a really high cliff all by myself with God and just sit there and look at all the trees and creation. It simply amazes me and I could look at it for hours and hours. I'm seriously just getting so pumped up about this right now! haha okay well I hope you had a good day and the next tree you see just look at it and smile or something. haha

SIMPLY AMAZED.

Gratitude.

Okay SO. I've felt the prayers this weekend. I don't know who it is or where they're coming from, but I'm SO grateful. I felt joy this weekend SO so much joy. I feel like I've really been getting good at my job and getting close relationships with my wonderful coworkers! They are all so wonderful even though both of my favorite managers left within 2 weeks. I'm like are you kidding me? I really still can't believe it. I'm just so thankful that I got this job at the time that I did. I'm happy for the time that i was able to work with them. Ah it's crazy how much they touched my life in the short time I've known them! It's SO awesome. I'm making new friends guys! This is good (: and this weekend I had a lot of fun with my family. I really really really love my family, like literally I don't think you understand how cool I think all 4 of them are. Ugh I just LOVE THEM. I'm SO incredibly thankful for a mom and dad that truly care about my success in life and about who I am as a person. I'm so thankful that my dad sends me a new bible verse every morning so I can meditate on the word all day. I'm so thankful my mom sends me a "have a good day, i love you" text every single morning. I am SO incredibly thankful for my little sister, Sidney and how or friendship has grown over these past years. That little (well not so little anymore) girl has taught me so much. She is SO beautiful too. And then there's Lexi. You've all heard me talk about her a lot, I'm thankful for her because she always encourages me to keep going. I'm thankful that she has set such a good example for me and Sidney. Even though we hardly hear from her, in a way I'm kind of thankful for that.. because it tells me that she has moved on. Which is exactly what God wants for us. You have to let go sometime in your life and move on to bigger and better things and I'm SO happy she found a place where she's making friends and is expressing her faith and she's so happy there. It makes me happy. Ah I don't know why I just said all that, but I'm just so thankful and have SO much gratitude for these people. God's beauty was pretty intense this weekend as well like seriously ah SUCH beautiful fall weather we got! So in other words I guess you could say I'm thankful. That's all.

Please still keep me in your prayers, they honestly HONESTLY do help and I do feel them. I really need especially when I go back to school during the week that is where I struggle the most, it really does get tough when you have no one. And I want you to know, I pray for you as well. When I go to bed at night I lay there and go through my phone contacts and the names that stick out to me, I pray for. So PLEASE know that someone is praying for you. Someone does love you and someone does care about you.

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

i'm struggleing.

i really really should be in bed right now.. i know it's only like 8 oclock but seriously like it's not healthy to be this tired ha! let me just tell you a little bit about how my week has been going. It started out on Monday with on of my worst meets ever. then after that it just kept going down and down and down. haha it's kind of funny to me how horrible things got. honestly guys, i'm struggleing. i'm struggleing BIG time. i need prayer BIG time. one thing that i realized through all this though, it's actually pretty amazing... at the end of each day this week it ended the same. it ended with me in tears crying out to God when i was at my absolute lowest of the low. so i dug into his word and i just got so much joy and energy like i got so excited. but then the next morning i was right back where i was before in that bad place. something that i got out of that was this.. when i screw up big time and stray away from the Lord and get super sad.. it happens DAILY. i can ALWAYS go back to him, it doesn't matter how many times i fail. i can ALWAYS go back to my heavenly daddy. it's just such a comforting thought! that's all i have the energy to write tonight soo i guess that's all that's on my mind. please keep me in your prayers!

"God uses us because we are broken, so he has more pieces to work with."

-Bob Goff



I serve a good God.

Ahh man. Haha God is SO good. That's really all I have to say. But I'll go into some depth! Uhm okay so yesterday I had a Cross Country meet. It didn't go as planned lets just say... I didn't finish the race. Ah just saying that gets me so mad about it again. I'm so disappointed in myself, it sucks. Well yesterday was just a really really bad day, I don't really want to write about it though. I really don't know why I just said that haha. But anyways, back to the race. I was about a mile and a half into it and I felt this pain like I have never felt before, I tried as hard as I could to keep going, but the pain didn't stopped. I have never felt pain like this before, and if you know me I don't just stop a race because I'm tired I keep going. So this pain was SO intensely bad! I stop and drop to the ground and yell for someone to get help, but then I feel both of my teammates Alexa and Rachel stop there race and run over to me. We're in the middle of nowhere on the course this is so far from everyone! And this pain would not go away. Automatically Alexa starts praying and confessing over me while Rachel runs to go get my coach. Okay let me just stop and tell you how wonderfully wonderful these girls are. Ah man seriously like I LOVE THEM. I don't know how else to express my gratitude for them. Then about 5 minutes later a golf cart comes over and we find my coach and they all pray over me, and guess what? The pain stopped. It just stopped. Can I get an amen? Haha for real. And so I don't know there are so many feelings I could write about, but I don't have time to write a book and no one probably cares haha, but I just want to point out how grateful I am for my team and how faithful God is. HE is ALWAYS there for us. ALWAYS! Ughh I don't even know what else to say. I guess I don't really have a point to this post? I really just had to get all that out, I've been bottling it up all day. I guess I do have a point though.. God cares about us so much. Also I've learned to NEVER GIVE UP.

"My Saviors arms were open wide and I felt love for the very first time when mercy found me"

Beautiful words.

The Reality of God.

Praise my heavenly Father who art thou in heaven and the heavens up above that it is a new week! haha I'm sorry, but I am just SO happy it's a new week and I get to start over. I have a feeling this is going to be a longer blog just so you know, I have a lot to say (: anyways I have just been TOO busy lately, like I LOVE being busy I love it. but not having time to spend time with God is a HUGE problem for me. Well today after church and before work I got to have a nice little chat with God at caribou. It was SO stinkin beauitful out today! I got my little iced oolong chai tea latte and I sat outside and got to continue reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Okay seriously not only one of the greatest books you can ever read it IS the greatest book you can ever read hah. So I started reading it and journaling things that were on my mind. It was so funny I got a little excited about what Francis was saying in the book, I just couldn't even handle it the things he points out about God are MIND BLOWING. I got a little excited and kinda did a little scream to myself with a huge smile haha I got one funny look from a girl sitting at the table next to me (: it was great! So just a couple things that got me screaming was this..

I labled it "The Reality of God" in my journal.

God cannot be explained by our vocabulary or grasped by our understanding.
Did you hear what I just said? GOD CANNOT BE GRASPED BY OUR UNDERSTANDING.

Another thing that stuck out to me BIG time:
There is nothing normal about today. On an average day we get so caught up in ourselves. We don't consider God very much. We forget our life is a vapor. Just think about everything that must function right in order for you to live. Like our kidneys, the only people who think about their kidneys are the people whose kidneys don't work correctly. The majority of us take for granted all our internal organs that we need in order to live. WOAH.

One more thing:
When I am consumed by my problems- stressed out about my life, my friends, my job... I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

There is SO much more I could quote from this book and I probably will in the future, but PLEASE just read it yourself. Ah the reality of God is seriously like I can't even think about it for too long I will get a headache.. in the good way haha!

But anyways that was a really nice time with just me and God today. I was SO happy ah man He is SO good to me. I am SO precious to Him and he loves me more than anyone ever could, that litteraly bring me to tears, I am crying right now. But for the first time in a while.. happy tears! It's so wonderful to know that you are loved by the creator of the universe and He cares about the SMALLEST little thing in your life. He's got it covered, I don't need a boyfriend, I don't need friends, I don't need new clothes all the time, I don't need to be accepted by everyone. All I need is God! Ah I am just filled with thoughts tonight! Wowzers okay I am going to stop while I'm ahead! GOD IS SO GOOD.

oooookay just kidding one more little thing.. haha My little sister Sidney, is one of my most favorite people in this whole  wide world. I love that little stinker and all the good times we get to spend together, I am SO happy that we have gotten closer. I really really enjoy all the car rides we have on the way to school and our little jam sessions. I love her style and we kind of have the same passion for clotheing which is really cool. I just love her so much and I don't say that enough!

Philippians 3

Okay I really don't want ya'll to think  I have no life because I blog all the time, it's just that I'm constantly having things on my heart that I NEED to get out. Haha anyways every night lately I have been having really rough nights, really bad thoughts in my head. These thoughts and moods always come at night at about this time. It's been happening for the past 2 weeks! And honestly I'm just so sick of feeling that way and thinking that way. So I'm kind of trying to do something about it, I'm reading the Bible instead of thinking and going on twitter. Those two things: twitter and thinking seem to get me down lately!  So as I was doing some Bible reading tonight I read these like SO flippin amazing verses like I got goosebumps and the whole deal ha. It was Philippians 3..  I just read the whole chapter. But some quotes or phrases that really stuck out to me were:

IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE READ THIS:

The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness.
 I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself

Focused on the Goal

^12-14 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

^15-16 So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.

^17-19 Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I’ve warned you of them many times; sadly, I’m having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ’s Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.

^20-21 But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.

Honestly just read the whole chapter.. I dare you!