I Am Living.

Every time I watch this, I just get so moved and touched and excited. How can I sleep? Haha seriously I don't know I'm just so excited about God. I just don't even know what to do myself right now. There's this burning passion in my heart that gets me so energized! Please just watch this video. I hope you're as moved as I am! His testimony.. seriously i'm speechless. I'm just sitting here in my room realizing how big my God is. In tears, I just don't know what to do right now. haha I just can't sleep I'm too excited about God. This makes me so ahhhh I don't have words. haha guess what you guys? I'M HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. God's grace has overtaken me. I'm happy I didn't give up. Suicide is the easy way out. I don't want that. Finally I don't want that. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm done! I know I have a purpose in life. FINALLY i know this and i realize it and i'm ready to make a difference. ah thank you Jesus. Sometimes words just can't do justice.. i don't know what else to say. God IS moving in me tonight.

Right now i am giving my heart to you, and if you don't want it.. then nobody wants it.

Cause I don't want it. I'm telling you right then and there, I couldn't stop smiling. You finally became a real man and looked to your creator and said here I am take me.

You're not going to be perfect, you're going to fall again. God knows it, but He loves you you'll never be alone. YOU ARE FORGIVEN. don't abuse grace. but embrace it. understand it.



TWLOHA

ah man i feel like God has been working on me. that's a cool feeling! something that i just can't stop thinking about is To Write Love On Her Arms. I'm kinda thinking that that will have a part in my life. I've been reading up on their intern program and I am like so totally 100% moved. And like want to do something. I have a passion for this! I have a passion for hurting people. Maybe God put that passion in me? I just want to help people. It's kind of super scary thinking about my future honestly. All this talk about applying to college and like moving away and growing up! It's scary. I'm only 16 i mean come on people! I'm still just a kid. haha it's weird growing up. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it doesn't matter because it's going to happen whether i like it or not hah!  I'm scared that I'll make the wrong decision for a college. Or I'll do a job that God doesn't want me to be doing. All I want is peace and to know that I'm doing the right thing. I really hope God wants me to be apart of TWLOHA. Ahh it just gets me pumped up just thinking about it!


http://www.twloha.com/vision/story/

Trees and Just Plain Amazement.

This tittle might sound weird to you haha. But it pretty much describes my day actually! It started off with me waking up. PRAISE the Lord for that. Mmm and I was actually excited to get up for some reason? It was cool how God gave me that joy. We left a little earlier this morning to go to "see you at the pole" at school. This was just like the ultimate kick start to my day, I seriously wish we could do that every morning. It meant a lot to me, it just really did! It was such an honor to able to do that ahh it just seriously made my day so great hah I don't know how else to say it! I was simply amazed at God. Then at cross country practice today, we went on a 4 mile run. I got to run with just the girls today which was nice, I sure do love those girls a whole lot! It was one of those runs where I felt like I could run forever and ever and I wouldn't have to stop. I actually enjoyed it today! Normally I just enjoy the benefits of finishing my run. But today I got to enjoy all of it. I really love how we all push each other and yeah ahh I just really enjoyed that run today! Oh and another thing. Trees. Haha okay it's like super weird, but trees are kind of like a huge interest of mine. I seriously could just sit there and look at a tree for a long time. I'm really weird like that I guess. Hah but today the trees were exceptionally jaw dropping ridiculously breath takingly beautiful. Ha seriously. I LOVE all the detail that God puts into them! I LOVE all the colors and I just recognize all the thought God put into each and every tree in the world. It blows my mind to think about. Trees just fascinate me what can I say? And today while I was driving home, I smiled SO SO big and I didn't even know what to do with myself and I just kinda laughed to myself because I think God made them extra pretty for me today maybe? like they were INCREDIBLE. hah I don't know am I crazy for thinking that? I probably sound like a super weird kid or something haha I'm NOT a tree hugger or anything like that haha seriously I'm not! A dream of mine would be to sit on a really high cliff all by myself with God and just sit there and look at all the trees and creation. It simply amazes me and I could look at it for hours and hours. I'm seriously just getting so pumped up about this right now! haha okay well I hope you had a good day and the next tree you see just look at it and smile or something. haha

SIMPLY AMAZED.

Gratitude.

Okay SO. I've felt the prayers this weekend. I don't know who it is or where they're coming from, but I'm SO grateful. I felt joy this weekend SO so much joy. I feel like I've really been getting good at my job and getting close relationships with my wonderful coworkers! They are all so wonderful even though both of my favorite managers left within 2 weeks. I'm like are you kidding me? I really still can't believe it. I'm just so thankful that I got this job at the time that I did. I'm happy for the time that i was able to work with them. Ah it's crazy how much they touched my life in the short time I've known them! It's SO awesome. I'm making new friends guys! This is good (: and this weekend I had a lot of fun with my family. I really really really love my family, like literally I don't think you understand how cool I think all 4 of them are. Ugh I just LOVE THEM. I'm SO incredibly thankful for a mom and dad that truly care about my success in life and about who I am as a person. I'm so thankful that my dad sends me a new bible verse every morning so I can meditate on the word all day. I'm so thankful my mom sends me a "have a good day, i love you" text every single morning. I am SO incredibly thankful for my little sister, Sidney and how or friendship has grown over these past years. That little (well not so little anymore) girl has taught me so much. She is SO beautiful too. And then there's Lexi. You've all heard me talk about her a lot, I'm thankful for her because she always encourages me to keep going. I'm thankful that she has set such a good example for me and Sidney. Even though we hardly hear from her, in a way I'm kind of thankful for that.. because it tells me that she has moved on. Which is exactly what God wants for us. You have to let go sometime in your life and move on to bigger and better things and I'm SO happy she found a place where she's making friends and is expressing her faith and she's so happy there. It makes me happy. Ah I don't know why I just said all that, but I'm just so thankful and have SO much gratitude for these people. God's beauty was pretty intense this weekend as well like seriously ah SUCH beautiful fall weather we got! So in other words I guess you could say I'm thankful. That's all.

Please still keep me in your prayers, they honestly HONESTLY do help and I do feel them. I really need especially when I go back to school during the week that is where I struggle the most, it really does get tough when you have no one. And I want you to know, I pray for you as well. When I go to bed at night I lay there and go through my phone contacts and the names that stick out to me, I pray for. So PLEASE know that someone is praying for you. Someone does love you and someone does care about you.

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

i'm struggleing.

i really really should be in bed right now.. i know it's only like 8 oclock but seriously like it's not healthy to be this tired ha! let me just tell you a little bit about how my week has been going. It started out on Monday with on of my worst meets ever. then after that it just kept going down and down and down. haha it's kind of funny to me how horrible things got. honestly guys, i'm struggleing. i'm struggleing BIG time. i need prayer BIG time. one thing that i realized through all this though, it's actually pretty amazing... at the end of each day this week it ended the same. it ended with me in tears crying out to God when i was at my absolute lowest of the low. so i dug into his word and i just got so much joy and energy like i got so excited. but then the next morning i was right back where i was before in that bad place. something that i got out of that was this.. when i screw up big time and stray away from the Lord and get super sad.. it happens DAILY. i can ALWAYS go back to him, it doesn't matter how many times i fail. i can ALWAYS go back to my heavenly daddy. it's just such a comforting thought! that's all i have the energy to write tonight soo i guess that's all that's on my mind. please keep me in your prayers!

"God uses us because we are broken, so he has more pieces to work with."

-Bob Goff



I serve a good God.

Ahh man. Haha God is SO good. That's really all I have to say. But I'll go into some depth! Uhm okay so yesterday I had a Cross Country meet. It didn't go as planned lets just say... I didn't finish the race. Ah just saying that gets me so mad about it again. I'm so disappointed in myself, it sucks. Well yesterday was just a really really bad day, I don't really want to write about it though. I really don't know why I just said that haha. But anyways, back to the race. I was about a mile and a half into it and I felt this pain like I have never felt before, I tried as hard as I could to keep going, but the pain didn't stopped. I have never felt pain like this before, and if you know me I don't just stop a race because I'm tired I keep going. So this pain was SO intensely bad! I stop and drop to the ground and yell for someone to get help, but then I feel both of my teammates Alexa and Rachel stop there race and run over to me. We're in the middle of nowhere on the course this is so far from everyone! And this pain would not go away. Automatically Alexa starts praying and confessing over me while Rachel runs to go get my coach. Okay let me just stop and tell you how wonderfully wonderful these girls are. Ah man seriously like I LOVE THEM. I don't know how else to express my gratitude for them. Then about 5 minutes later a golf cart comes over and we find my coach and they all pray over me, and guess what? The pain stopped. It just stopped. Can I get an amen? Haha for real. And so I don't know there are so many feelings I could write about, but I don't have time to write a book and no one probably cares haha, but I just want to point out how grateful I am for my team and how faithful God is. HE is ALWAYS there for us. ALWAYS! Ughh I don't even know what else to say. I guess I don't really have a point to this post? I really just had to get all that out, I've been bottling it up all day. I guess I do have a point though.. God cares about us so much. Also I've learned to NEVER GIVE UP.

"My Saviors arms were open wide and I felt love for the very first time when mercy found me"

Beautiful words.

The Reality of God.

Praise my heavenly Father who art thou in heaven and the heavens up above that it is a new week! haha I'm sorry, but I am just SO happy it's a new week and I get to start over. I have a feeling this is going to be a longer blog just so you know, I have a lot to say (: anyways I have just been TOO busy lately, like I LOVE being busy I love it. but not having time to spend time with God is a HUGE problem for me. Well today after church and before work I got to have a nice little chat with God at caribou. It was SO stinkin beauitful out today! I got my little iced oolong chai tea latte and I sat outside and got to continue reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Okay seriously not only one of the greatest books you can ever read it IS the greatest book you can ever read hah. So I started reading it and journaling things that were on my mind. It was so funny I got a little excited about what Francis was saying in the book, I just couldn't even handle it the things he points out about God are MIND BLOWING. I got a little excited and kinda did a little scream to myself with a huge smile haha I got one funny look from a girl sitting at the table next to me (: it was great! So just a couple things that got me screaming was this..

I labled it "The Reality of God" in my journal.

God cannot be explained by our vocabulary or grasped by our understanding.
Did you hear what I just said? GOD CANNOT BE GRASPED BY OUR UNDERSTANDING.

Another thing that stuck out to me BIG time:
There is nothing normal about today. On an average day we get so caught up in ourselves. We don't consider God very much. We forget our life is a vapor. Just think about everything that must function right in order for you to live. Like our kidneys, the only people who think about their kidneys are the people whose kidneys don't work correctly. The majority of us take for granted all our internal organs that we need in order to live. WOAH.

One more thing:
When I am consumed by my problems- stressed out about my life, my friends, my job... I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

There is SO much more I could quote from this book and I probably will in the future, but PLEASE just read it yourself. Ah the reality of God is seriously like I can't even think about it for too long I will get a headache.. in the good way haha!

But anyways that was a really nice time with just me and God today. I was SO happy ah man He is SO good to me. I am SO precious to Him and he loves me more than anyone ever could, that litteraly bring me to tears, I am crying right now. But for the first time in a while.. happy tears! It's so wonderful to know that you are loved by the creator of the universe and He cares about the SMALLEST little thing in your life. He's got it covered, I don't need a boyfriend, I don't need friends, I don't need new clothes all the time, I don't need to be accepted by everyone. All I need is God! Ah I am just filled with thoughts tonight! Wowzers okay I am going to stop while I'm ahead! GOD IS SO GOOD.

oooookay just kidding one more little thing.. haha My little sister Sidney, is one of my most favorite people in this whole  wide world. I love that little stinker and all the good times we get to spend together, I am SO happy that we have gotten closer. I really really enjoy all the car rides we have on the way to school and our little jam sessions. I love her style and we kind of have the same passion for clotheing which is really cool. I just love her so much and I don't say that enough!

Philippians 3

Okay I really don't want ya'll to think  I have no life because I blog all the time, it's just that I'm constantly having things on my heart that I NEED to get out. Haha anyways every night lately I have been having really rough nights, really bad thoughts in my head. These thoughts and moods always come at night at about this time. It's been happening for the past 2 weeks! And honestly I'm just so sick of feeling that way and thinking that way. So I'm kind of trying to do something about it, I'm reading the Bible instead of thinking and going on twitter. Those two things: twitter and thinking seem to get me down lately!  So as I was doing some Bible reading tonight I read these like SO flippin amazing verses like I got goosebumps and the whole deal ha. It was Philippians 3..  I just read the whole chapter. But some quotes or phrases that really stuck out to me were:

IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE READ THIS:

The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness.
 I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself

Focused on the Goal

^12-14 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

^15-16 So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.

^17-19 Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I’ve warned you of them many times; sadly, I’m having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ’s Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.

^20-21 But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.

Honestly just read the whole chapter.. I dare you!

Day Dreaming? Haha

i was just kind of in a daze today.. is that even a word? ha I'm so overly tired it's not even funny. but i was just thinking about a couple memories today when i was zoned out in class and they made me smile.. one of them was this song:

 

Me and my friend J.P. were in the car the other day and we listened to this and sang along, I know that sounds so simple and stupid like what the heck i do that all the time? haha but seriously this guy is somethin' special and I don't know why, but that moment was so special to me ha! Call me crazy. I really really like that guy.. like a lot. It's moments like that, that I just think back and smile, those kind of moments keep me going. It seriously is the little things in life that I appreciate the most. Ahh man I'm just thinking about so many good times with him. Is this weird to like say out loud? haha I don't care, i really like him!

 

 

Ooooh and there was this other time that I thought of today with lexi. It was thanksgiving night and we had plans to go black Friday shopping with our cousins and some how it came up where we were talking about lexi's weight and she thought that I thought she was fat. Haha this didn't end so well as you can probably already assume. We were SO mad at each other, I wanted to go shopping SO bad, but she didn't because she was so self conscious or something haha. This was at like 12:00 in the morning by the way! So then we of course end up going and we have a great time shopping with our cousins. So we get back home at like 3 A.M. and we've cooled down by now, and some how we just got into this deep talk about my friendships and all this stuff like it was the most encouraging talk of my life haha. So then it's 4 A.M. and she tucks me into bed and she goes on about like a half hours worth of a story about her giving blood at school and how she thinks she's so cool. Literaly I laughed SO hard for about a half hour straight. It doesn't sound funny, but you really had to be there! Ahh seriously like this is one of my all time favorite memories. I don't know why, it just makes me happy when I think of it haha. Okay that's the end of my little ramble.

 

it's memories like these that keep me going.

National Suicide Prevention Week.

Hey! Kind of a big deal today, it's national suicide prevention week. This is like a huge deal to me, I don't know why it's been on my heart so much lately, I actually think it has something to do with my future? Ha but a non-profit organization that is super cool to me and I love keeping up with them and seeing all the new stories about how they're saving lives. It's called To Write Love On Her Arms or also known as TWLOHA. It's so cool, eye opening, and inspiring to me. It's very near and dear to my heart especially because I have been there. I was actually really close to suicide myself. That's a really deep statement to state, but my story has made me a stronger person today and I have grown so much. My heart goes out for these people who feel that low. If only I could do something like sometimes I wish I could do more than pray, do you ever get that way? I am really really thinking that suicide prevention or a some sort help to them is in my future. It's so heavy on my heart! My heart cries and is very heavy for them. I want to do more. AHHH sometimes words are useless like I want to scream and take the pain from them, I wish I could express how passionate I am about this! GAHHHH. PLEASE keep this in your prayers this week that's all I can ask, and be aware. My heart goes out, much LOVE.

PLEASE READ THIS:
http://www.twloha.com/blog/please-stay-alive

 

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more.

Psalm 71:14

 

If God is all you have, all you have is all you need.

Happy Saturday! This is weird I never blog in the morning, but this morning I just could not resist. It's SO beautiful and I woke up really happy and with a new perspective on life kinda. I might just be high on this weather and how beautiful it is, but either way I'm happy. So I kind of made a decision to not complain anymore, or try not to. So many things have been REALLY crappy for me lately it seems like EVERYTHING is going wrong and that God doesn't care, I know that's really bad to think, but that's just how I'm feeling. But I made a decision to not feel sorry for myself and not complain to people. I feel like that only gets me in a bad place. I've decided to be happy and content with the things that are good in my life. I think of my little girls in Mexico and how not so glamorous they have it there and it makes my life look like heaven. It kind of makes me really mad how selfish I've been lately. I have it really really good even if I realize it or not. I'm just so stinkin grateful for God's grace, it's the only reason why I'm here, honestly! I don't thank Him enough for that. Well I'm lookin' on the positive side this morning. I'm SO excited for fall and the leaves changing colors and fall fashion and football games and sooo much more! Last night got me so excited I was with great people at my first football game of the season and it was such a beautiful night. I'm SO incredibly grateful for my friend Madeline, we had such good chats last night at starbucks and the game! Without her.. yeah it wouldn't be good! Haha SO here's to a new season in my life with a new perspective! WHOOP it's exciting. But don't get me wrong it's not going to be easy.

Hi. I was sad today, so many reasons why! But at the end of the day God is still God and He is a GOOD God. This is a good song and is on the playlist tonight. Goodnight all!

Fresh start?

Alright so today was my first day of my Junior year. I can't even believe it. God has already showed me SOOOO many things today it's insane. I was just laying in bed finishing up my bible reading and BOOM it hit me. I have to blog about it haha! Okay so here it goes. Today started off as a good day I was so excited for a fresh start and to get things going. I get to drive to school now! It's pretty exciting for me. So me and Sid were in the car on our way to school jammin' out to our praise and worship haha then we get to school and I walk in the door with all smiles and the second I walk in, I could feel the devil trying to attack me. Literly. I tried so hard to keep that smile on my face, he gave me SO many reasons not to smile, but I didn't listen to him.. well I tried not to. So the first couple of my classes were good I got through them with a smile, then chapel came around and here is where
God comes in. It's like Mr. Winn was speaking DIRECTLY me, God was in Him and it's like that chapel was made just for me! He was talking about along the lines of.. if things aren't going the way they're supposed to right now or you're really mad about something or your confused why bad things happen to good people. He said God is working on you, He has a plan for you. Something good will come out of this! There was so much more he said but I don't want this to look too long so you won't read it haha! Anyways so that was chapel. Then lunch came around and this was the damper on the day. I had no one to sit with, I felt like that girl in the movies who has no one to sit with at lunch so she sits alone and looks like a loser, no joke that's how I was feeling. Wanna know a secret? I cried a little bit. I'm only telling you this because God brought me through it! So I get down to lunch and warm up my things and then a girl came up to me who turns out is feeling the exact same way I am feeling. How good is God again? Just sayin. I had a really good lunch today (: okay THEN the rest of the day I kept a smile on my face and God taught me something. Okay right now i'm kind of at a lack of friends. At first I was really sad about this, then I realized something. It's not about how many friends you have. Through this I have learned to be an independent person, that doesn't mean someone who doesn't talk to anyone or is so closed off from the world. It means that I know how to survive without friends or that one best friend. I have grown so much going through all this! It's so cool how God works.  I love people and they bless me deeply! All in all this will be a very different year for me filled with lots of growth, getting used to, change, God, and smiles. Okay one more thing, God showed me this verse tonight and I want to share it. It fits perfectly (:

 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
-Matthew 11:28-30

I know God made me jump out of bed and write this blog for a reason. I hope it will bless someone!